Monday, April 2, 2007
10:04 AM
so what's the real deal??
my life flashes before my eyes. i knew that i couldn't bear any longer, but to cover up with a pillow and shout at the top of my lungs. should i or should i not seek for forgiveness. i knew that there's no stop to this fairytale that people keep saying. even so, i don't believe in HAPPILY EVER AFTER. nothing in this world can help but pull me so back, back into a cage where i feel so caught up.
why couldn't i just get it right the first time again. and again i wonder. a beautiful scenery turned black and ever little sweetest taste of sweets turned sour. nothing seems okay inside but when showed around, I'm just as enjoyable and fun-loving girl that everyone knew. but, do they know the real me, the thing i felt inside. the thing that i want the most. the thing i wanted to get out from. all I've shown is the happy me, never the sad cause, i don't want people to say things that can hurt me even more. like criticism and all what-nots.
i created my own fairytale which can turn out to be interesting yet boring. cause, everything, every word i typed down, and every misery i felt always lead to one thing. leads to someone. how pathetic i might be, I'm just looking for answers. i hope that all this links that i had in life, will lead me to the way that i wanted. i was told i had a beautiful life ahead, but i just cant seem to control it and fit in.
being 17 may n0t always mean you can handle everything, its asking you to take one step on another. and i ain't taking no risks in doing any.